May
3rd

Sometimes when you lie, you get the girl!

GuyI’m leaving my girlfriend. That’s right! You heard it right here.

Before you get any ideas of what a wicked, wicked man I am, I really don’t have a girlfriend. At least not the human, living, breathing kind. I joke with people that my girlfriend’s name is MacBookPro. Lately, my girlfriend has been a little temperamental, not waking up when I’d like her to and not happy until she’s cold. Wow… reminds me of when I had a real one!

Google Loves Me Now

Anyways, I’m done with her. My new girlfriend is online and she loves me. She knows everyone, but no matter what, she always talks about me. I’ve never had an online girlfriend before, but this one is special. Her name is Google. I used to not care about Google too much but selfishly, I found that the better I got to know her, the more attention she paid to me.

Google

Google sends me over 4 times the visitors to my site than any other source. 4 times! Wow. All I have to do to keep this relationship going in the right direction is pay attention to her, dress myself in a way that attracts her, listen to what she says, and communicate effectively with her. It’s taken a while, but I’m starting to understand what she really likes. Now… I’m not the nicest boyfriend… I’m not Google-whipped or anything, I’m just nice to her.

Why Google Loves Me

Here’s some things I do that she seems to appreciate:

  1. Google liked when I put my article titles in my page title.
  2. Google liked it when I updated my .htaccess file so that my site always goes to http://marketingtechblog.com instead of http://douglaskarr.com and when I told her in Google Webmasters that I liked the www.
  3. Google liked it when I renamed my blog using keywords (marketing, technology, blog) that I discuss in my posts often.
  4. Google liked it when I told her what I talked about.
  5. Google liked it when I told her what was really important in my page and what wasn’t using heading tags.
  6. Google liked it when I told her how my site was organized and where to find everything using my robots.txt and sitemap.xml files.
  7. Google likes that I put fresh content up daily.
  8. Google likes that I comment on blogs everywhere and leave my name and website address.

How Google Shows Me the Love

I don’t know what Google likes more or less - but I do know she loves me. How do I know that Google loves me? Go ahead and ask her yourself!
http://www.google.com/search?q=marketing+technology+blog
http://www.google.com/search?q=douglas+karr
http://www.google.com/search?q=doug+karr
http://www.google.com/search?q=a-list+blogger+marketing+technology
http://www.google.com/search?q=a-list+blog+marketing+technology
http://www.google.com/search?q=a-list+marketing+technology
http://www.google.com/search?q=marketing+blog+indianapolis
http://www.google.com/search?q=technology+blog+indianapolis
http://www.google.com/search?q=a-list+blogger+indianapolis

Sometimes I lie to Google, but she loves me anyway.

Now, you know how when you lie to your girlfriend, and you have to keep on telling the same lie over and over again? But you don’t tell anyone about the lie… it’s just a lie between you and her. I wanted to prove a point that sometimes the girls like it when you lie to them. (It might be known as black hat).

A long time ago, there was a big to-do about getting on the “a-list”. I wanted to prove, officially, that anyone could get on the a-list. You’ll need to look very carefully at the header of my blog to figure out how I would ever be ranked high for “a-list”. Here’s a clue:
a marketing, development, wordpress and technology blog by douglas karr<span style=”display:none”>, a-list blogger</span>.

You couldn’t see it… but my new girlfriend does! And she loves me. ;)

UPDATE: I have removed the hidden text from my header. I just wanted to prove a point but definitely don’t want to get removed from Google’s index!

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17 Comments »

Comment by no imageSteven Hodson (SezWho)
2007-05-03 19:47:38

ROFLMAO — scary but funnier than hell :)
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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 07:31:18

Thanks Steven! I had some fun with it… er… her.
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Comment by no imageStephen (SezWho)
2007-05-03 23:59:43

That is pretty brilliant. =]
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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 07:31:33

Thanks, Stephen!
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Comment by no imageSlaptijack (SezWho)
2007-05-04 00:07:59

I hope you’re proud of yourself, Doug! I’ve spent the last hour and a half on Google Webmasters.

Thanks! ;-)

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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 07:30:55

Hey… don’t be messing too much with my girl! I don’t want her cheating on me!
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Comment by no imageDean Taplin (SezWho)
2007-05-04 02:25:36

Nice to see you getting so much traffic from Google. I’ve been in a similar position ever since I implemented some SEO tips a while back. That link to pearsonified is a good one. I implemented his advice a while back and it works, period!

I get about 50% of my traffic from Google :-)

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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 07:32:46

I am amazed every day I review my stats!
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Comment by no imageSteve Woodruff (SezWho)
2007-05-04 06:50:34

My wife feigns resentment of my time with my Dell computer - “Della” is the name of the competition - but it sounds like Google might be really nice mouse candy as well!
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2.0
Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 07:34:11

Della sounds a little prettier than Googla. I’m guessing Googla is a little more of a full-figured gal - but I do love her. ;)
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Comment by no imageSean (SezWho)
2007-05-04 17:13:40

Um, I know you love your girl and all but doesn’t hidden text violate Google’s webmaster guidelines?
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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-04 19:11:41

Yes… that’s why I removed it. :)
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Comment by no imageMN Web Design (SezWho)
2007-05-05 00:23:36

Nice! I like the fact that your “girlfriend” is a technological device! :)
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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-05 09:45:25

Perhaps my standards are too high, MN! ;)
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Comment by no imageDean Taplin (SezWho)
2007-05-05 07:20:06

I read your comment on the pearsonified website about you modifying your style sheets for semantic markup. I see a good marketing opportunity for you to release a WP theme that adheres to all the markup rules ;-)
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Comment by no imageDouglas Karr (SezWho)
2007-05-05 08:19:00

Dean, you’re absolutely right! I think that’s a great market… SEO Optimized WP themes. I wish I had some time on my hands!
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Comment by no imageMatt Keegan (SezWho)
2007-05-13 17:07:09

Google sounds sweet. Does she have a sister? Oops, I nearly forgot that I am already married!
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